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Making Kissing Count
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Dear Dating Doctor:
I read your recent columns on bad kissers and found them to be quite humorous, yet unfortunately true. I have dated most of the types of horrible kissers you described, and now wonder how people can become better kissers? What makes a kiss great or a great kisser?
- One Curious Kisser
Dear Curious
The problem most people have is they see kissing as a
means to an end not a separate entity unto itself. They view kissing as
what they "have to do" before they can do more. Men, especially, are
often too rough, aggressive, fast-paced, and lack knowledge of the four
P's of kissing: Patience, Passion, Pacing and Pressure.
A successful smoocher has an innate sixth sense when it comes to being
appropriately passionate. They react to their partner's lead and don't
feel the need to always dictate or control the action. They exhibit the
perfect balance between tenderness and aggressiveness, spontaneity and
consistency, sweetness and sensuality.
A passionate person does not begin by kissing or caressing the most
sensitive locations first (such as the neck and ears), rather they end
up there after focusing adequate attention on often overlooked areas
such as the corners of the mouth, individual lips, temples, eye lids,
fingertips and palms of the hand. They realize there is more to oral
passion than french kissing a technique people place far too much
emphasis on and jump into too quickly. Proficient puckerers also
refrain from over-stimulating other parts of the body while kissing so
as not to divert their partner's attention or give the impression
they're ready for "more."
Several common, yet correctable errors people make are: Allowing
themselves to have atrocious breath, jumping from kissing to other
activities too rapidly, and engaging in excessive teasing. A bit of
teasing can be quite arousing, but when taken to the extreme can become
rather annoying. People seldom take the risk to ask (or tell) their
partners what they truly enjoy or what brings them the greatest
pleasure. They rely solely on trial and error. As long as your trial
outweighs your error this method should work.
The single biggest turn off expressed by those I interviewed was kissing
someone who smoked. One woman claimed that Kissing someone who smokes
is like cleaning out an ash tray with my lips and tongue. I tasted it
for days. It made me never want to kiss again! One man described what
he liked best about kissing when he added, When a woman takes control,
knows what she is doing and is creative, it's the bomb! I feel as if I
have gotten the day off!
To become an effective kisser, anticipate as well as you participate.
Be as tender as you are aggressive and as able as you are willing. Let
kissing grow as your relationship grows. Deliver your kisses with
feeling, passion and care. Learn to change pace and alternate your
pressure and location. Be consistent, yet creative and truly care about
the other person's pleasure and happiness as much as you do your own.
Finally, remember that to be a great kisser takes
practice...practice...practice! So, get out there and find another
person who is ready, willing, able and appropriate for you.
Take me back to The Dating Doctor main page.
Take me away to The Dating Doctor's Official Website.
This article is copyright © 1998 David D. Coleman ("The Dating Doctor")
used by permission by VirtualKiss.com. All rights reserved.
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