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Understanding "No" |
For many of us, No is the first word that we learn. It is a word that has a thousand meanings --meanings
which we regularly misinterpret.
This short word often exposes us to our first doses of low self-esteem which follows us into our adult
relationships in the form of excess baggage. "No, you can't do that." "No, you're not old enough." "No,
you're not big enough, pretty enough, or smart enough." "Your mother (father) said no!" "No, you can't
go out and play." "You're no good." The list could go on forever.
As an adolescent and in our later teens we learn to use this word in a rebellious context, as well as a
way to establish our independence from our parents. "No way will I wear that." "No, I'm not going to
church." "No, you can't tell me who I can or cannot date."
Finally, as an adult, the word takes on an entirely new meaning. For older adults, no can sometimes mean,
"I can't change, I won't change, I don't need to change --accommodate me!" Sometimes younger adults use
no as a twisted way of saying yes such as when their response of "no" is accompanied by a coy smile when
reacting to a romantic advance. This is a stage of game playing and courtship. They can't just jump in with a resounding "yes" as their
character would be quickly called into question.
There is often heartache and disappointment associated with word no. "No, you didn't get that raise."
"Sorry, no promotion this year." "No, you're not pregnant." "No, you have not been approved for that
loan." "No, I'm sorry, you're just not my type."
Occasionally there is a positive no. "No, you are not the father." "No, you're not pregnant." "No fault
insurance will cover it." "No harm done." "No, I'll pick up the check."
As the years go by, no for many people has never been learned or understood. As a result, these
individuals often violate the basic rights of others without respect or regard to their consequences. Our
society specifically has named and in many cases will readily punish violators of the word no. To be
precise, date rape. When involving sexual activity, no does not always, or even sometimes mean yes.
It is never too late to teach someone to respect the word no or learn to acknowledge it yourself. You
have a right to say no to others, as do they in response to your words or actions. It is important to
examine that your use of the word is not at somebody else's expense or harm. And remember, in this day
you can always choose to say no to the problems in your life by seeking help and making positive changes.
Then, the final context you will hear will be, "No problems here. I only see a very healthy person."
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