Once into the kiss, the proper mindset has a lot to do with successful kissing. Too often, the mind starts racing ahead, wondering where the kiss is leading, worrying if everything is going right, and basically messing things up. The single most important thing to remember is to ENJOY THE KISS. This is what it's all about... the simplest and greatest of pleasures, the soft friction, the tender wetness... kissing is great. Possibly the greatest. So enjoy it.
The best way to quiet the chattering brain is to simply concentrate on the moment of the kiss. Really feel what your mouths, lips, tongues, and bodies are doing. Kiss as if there is no moment outside of this, there are no people outside of the 2 of you. Trust us, your partner will be able to tell if you are really concentrating, and will appreciate it even if they aren't aware. Of course, kissing doesn't generally require the level of concentration necessary to bend spoons for example, and your partner may take that furrowed brow and bulging eyes as a sign you're not totally enjoying yourself. By concentration we mean really be INTO the kiss... don't be thinking about a lot of other stuff. Odds are, you've invested a lot of time and effort to get to this point... so ENJOY IT! Don't miss the moment... savor it.
Once you're really into a kiss, you're probably already working toward that middle ground. Depending on how they kiss, the situation, how you kiss, etc., there are lots of factors going on. Just work on adjusting yourself a bit to fit to their style, while helping them adjust to yours. Lead by example... heck, the braver amongst us could just tell their partner what they like (just be sure to do it in a positive manner, or you could really ruin the mood.) Do what you like, and if you like something, let them know it (see Feedback). If you don't reward the good and discourage the bad, how will they ever learn?
Kissing Exercise: One good way to help yourselves concentrate on the kiss is to try to read each other's thoughts (and not in a neurotic, annoying way) while kissing. Really try to see into your partner's mind, and attempt to make a connection. Don't necessarily expect to pick up images of the dog they had when they were three years old, but rather use this as a way to really concentrate on your partner. And the kiss.
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