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Making Kissing Count

Dear Dating Doctor:

I read your recent columns on bad kissers and found them to be quite humorous, yet unfortunately true. I have dated most of the types of horrible kissers you described, and now wonder how people can become better kissers? What makes a kiss great or a great kisser?

- One Curious Kisser

Dear Curious

The problem most people have is they see kissing as ameans to an end not a separate entity unto itself. They view kissing aswhat they "have to do" before they can do more. Men, especially, areoften too rough, aggressive, fast-paced, and lack knowledge of the fourP's of kissing: Patience, Passion, Pacing and Pressure.

A successful smoocher has an innate sixth sense when it comes to beingappropriately passionate. They react to their partner's lead and don'tfeel the need to always dictate or control the action. They exhibit theperfect balance between tenderness and aggressiveness, spontaneity andconsistency, sweetness and sensuality.

A passionate person does not begin by kissing or caressing the mostsensitive locations first (such as the neck and ears), rather they endup there after focusing adequate attention on often overlooked areassuch as the corners of the mouth, individual lips, temples, eye lids,fingertips and palms of the hand. They realize there is more to oralpassion than french kissing a technique people place far too muchemphasis on and jump into too quickly. Proficient puckerers alsorefrain from over-stimulating other parts of the body while kissing soas not to divert their partner's attention or give the impressionthey're ready for "more."

Several common, yet correctable errors people make are: Allowingthemselves to have atrocious breath, jumping from kissing to otheractivities too rapidly, and engaging in excessive teasing. A bit ofteasing can be quite arousing, but when taken to the extreme can becomerather annoying. People seldom take the risk to ask (or tell) theirpartners what they truly enjoy or what brings them the greatestpleasure. They rely solely on trial and error. As long as your trialoutweighs your error this method should work.

The single biggest turn off expressed by those I interviewed was kissingsomeone who smoked. One woman claimed that Kissing someone who smokesis like cleaning out an ash tray with my lips and tongue. I tasted itfor days. It made me never want to kiss again! One man described whathe liked best about kissing when he added, When a woman takes control,knows what she is doing and is creative, it's the bomb! I feel as if Ihave gotten the day off!

To become an effective kisser, anticipate as well as you participate.Be as tender as you are aggressive and as able as you are willing. Letkissing grow as your relationship grows. Deliver your kisses withfeeling, passion and care. Learn to change pace and alternate yourpressure and location. Be consistent, yet creative and truly care aboutthe other person's pleasure and happiness as much as you do your own.Finally, remember that to be a great kisser takespractice...practice...practice! So, get out there and find anotherperson who is ready, willing, able and appropriate for you.

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