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Why Taken Men Flirt

Dear Dating Doctor:

My question, rather problem, is this . . . why is it that my friend's husbands orboyfriends are always hitting on me behind their backs. I do not do anything to contribute or promotethis behavior, so why is it happening?


Dear Miranda:

Get out your pad or lap top and take a few notes. First off, these men are completelydishonest and must feel as if they can flirt with you. Even though you expressed that you are "doingnothing to contribute to the problem," they obviously feel secure enough with you to make such a move.They evidently have no fear that you will "give them up" or they are so taken by you that they simplydon't care if you do.

A second reason you get hit on is that you are available and they are not. What do men want more thananything else in the world? That which they cannot have. You may also posses qualities andcharacteristics that are lacking in their spouses or significant others.

The passion may be gone or dying in their present relationships and you may ignite some kind of "emotionor passion" in them. Some men may use you as a barometer to see "if they still have it" (if they everreally had "it" in the first place!). Nothing is stronger than a male ego in need of a jump start.

These men may be in unhealthy relationships and want out, but are unable to find the proper way to"escape" or repair their damaged relationship. You may be exhibiting signs (intentionally or unwittingly)that you are receptive to their advances. It is a natural human reaction to be flattered when someoneshows an interest in you. Engaging with these men in excessive eye contact, smiling or banter may begiving them all the hope they need.

Where and when are you speaking to these men without their partners present? The more you increase theodds of this happening by allowing yourself to be alone with them, the greater the chance that it willhappen.

Without knowing you, I would venture to say that you are a young, attractive, outgoing, warm andcompassionate woman --all qualities that would attract such men. I would also presume that many of theseflirting men got married or committed at a young age and are now restless. Remember this, if a man doescheat on a woman the odds are extremely favorable that he will repeat the behavior again.

Spend more time with your significant other (If you have one. If you don't that might be part of theproblem!). If you truly want the behavior to cease, make it clear to them that their advances areunwelcome, that you have no interest in them, and reduce the number of opportunities they have to flirtwith you. If not, get ready to make a list of the worst pick-up lines in history.

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